FIGHTING AGAINST DISCOURAGEMENT
 
                                                     By Kitty Hackney
 
I want you to imagine with me this scenario. You are really trying hard to get your priorities in the right order. You are praying more, studying your Bible more deeply looking for ways to help others, trying to be busy for the Lord! Things really seem to be working out too! You feel like you’re really making a difference. You didn’t do the work to hear comments or words of encouragement said to you, but lots of other Christians pull you aside and say sweet things that move you and encourage you. You are humbled and appreciative of their kind words.  The things they say to you become an encouragement in your life!
You feel very happy!
 
Then, it happens! One person, just one, seems to be quiet when you’re around and you feel a sense of contention between you and them. They may even say something ugly to you or about you. You think to yourself, “What happened between that person and me?” “Did I say something that I shouldn’t have said?” “How in the world could they be upset with me? I haven’t done a thing to them!”
 
This situation then turns to worry. You can’t quit thinking about it. You are replaying it over and over in your mind thinking of all the things they could be upset about and it starts to eat away at your thoughts! Before you know it, you are starting to feel anger! You are now upset with them! You are thinking of all the ways that you’ve been kind to them or prayed for them and this is how they repay you???   Now, you have developed a bad attitude.
 
Remember before, LOTS of people were encouraging you, but then ONE, just ONE person came to the table with some discouragement and that has stolen ALL of your joy! You have allowed one small discouragement to change your whole attitude!   Your prayer life starts to fail. You just don’t feel like studying your Bible. You start to pass up opportunities to serve because you just don’t feel like you can make a difference anyway. You aren’t as friendly and you really don’t feel like socializing. Maybe another sister is working very hard to do right and because you are discouraged, you are quiet toward  or you may even say something ugly to her.
 
You are now a discouragement! Do you see what has happened?  The devil not only discouraged you when you were charged and ready to work, he turned you around and caused you to become a discouragement to another!   How did he do that???  Sadly, with only ONE discouraging word or action!    There were so many encouraging words, but he took you down with only ONE discouragement!     Now, I’m not sure if everyone can relate to this scenario, but I’m thinking that most Christian women can, at least to some degree, understand. I want to figure out what to do about this kind of situation.  How can I keep this from happening to me? How can I keep from becoming Distracted, Discouraged and Destroyed?
The Bible says in Ephesians 6.10 - 11 (KJV), “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil”.
 
You see, the devil is hoping that we will one day be in Hell with him! When we are working hard for the Lord, this only makes us more interesting to the devil! He makes plans to “trip us up”, so that we will fall! He uses whatever he can to turn us away from our Christian work. 
He will even use those that are the closest to us in to discourage us! This is why we must be suited up with the whole armor of God, in order to protect ourselves and fight against the devil.
 
What is the whole armor of God?  We find a complete description of this in Eph 6.10-11 
There is the Breastplate of Righteousness, having your loins girt about with Truth, having our feet shod with the Preparation of the Gospel of Peace, taking the Shield of Faith, the Helmet of Salvation and the Sword of the Spirit!   If we are armed and ready, we are told that we will be able to “…quench all the fiery darts of the wicked” (vs. 16)
 
The Bible tells us in I Peter 5:8 (KJV) to “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.”  Temptation is no new thing for the devil! Remember, he first tempted Eve in the Garden of Eden. Eve fell and this is where sin first started. (Genesis 3: 1-6)
 
He also tempted Jesus in Matthew 4: 1-11. He was not successful in getting Jesus to fall, of course. In verses 10 and 11, we read, “Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve. Then the devil left him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him.”   If Satan tempted our own Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, you can know that he will for sure tempt us, when he knows we are so weak.     I suggest we use the Bible to help us know how to treat those that discourage us, no matter if it’s just one or many.
 
We are told in Matthew 5:44 (KJV)“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” In Proverbs 25:21-22 (KJV), “If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink: For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the Lord shall reward thee.”   We should “Keep on Keeping on”, knowing that God will not allow us to be tempted more than we can handle. I Corinthians 10:13 (KJV) “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”     Reading in I Peter 4:19 (KJV) “Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well-doing, as unto the faithful Creator.”  Let’s remember to pray for God’s help in fighting discouragement, pray for our hearts and pray for those who are unkind to us!  Philippians 4:6 (KJV)    “Be anxious for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
 
 
 

THE CASE FOR STRONG CHRISTIAN WOMEN
                                                                                     by Lisa Bevere
 


Let’s settle something:   Strong is not wrong. 
Too often Christian women are associated with weakness rather than strength. Sometimes religion has taught us to hide rather than to rise. It is true that we are called to be meek, but not weak.
Meek is best defined as strength under control. Both Moses and Jesus were meek, but not weak. The meek know their strength comes from God. Esther was meek, but she was no weakling. The meek are also the humble because they understand that their strength comes from a higher power. The meek know how and when to fight, but they are not looking for one. 

Strength is a two-edged sword that can be used as a weapon of destruction or a means of release that sets the captives free. It is not unusual that the first captive that requires release is ourselves.
 
This life requires strength. And as we live longer, life gets harder. Living godly in a godless culture will require much more strength than you or I can muster on our own. Thankfully we are not on our own. We are going to examine the following verses from Ephesians that outline why each of us must embrace the challenge and become strong. After describing how we interact in relationships,
Paul begins Ephesians 6:10–18 with “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power” (v. 10). 

Relationships require strength. But whenever I try to love or even like someone in my own strength I am doomed to fail. We have a very limited human capacity for the type of strength we need each day. This is why we tap into the strength and power of our Lord. Another version simply says it this way, “God is strong, and he wants you strong” (msg). 

God knows we are not strong so He makes us strong. David tapped into this source of strength when he was a worshipping shepherd. Our God is almighty to make us mighty. Our Father is all-powerful to give His daughters power. God has a plan for your life and the devil has a scheme. His scheme is to knock you out of God’s plan. I must warn you the devil will not fight fairly. The moment you became a daughter of God, you were marked by God’s Holy Spirit and noted by the enemy. Before your rebirth you were his slave, and now you are a target. But once we are acquainted with our source of true strength, it’s time to armor up. “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes”(Ephesians 6:11). 

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You that You are strong and You want me strong too. I will armor up to stand in Your plan. 

I AM STRONG  BECAUSE GOD IS MY SOURCE OF STRENGTH


 

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​                                                      Does God Care about My Weight?

                                                           By     Sheila Alewine

 

A quick internet search tells me that in the United States, Americans spent more
than $75 billion dollars on weight loss and diet control last year. This includes everything from diet soft drinks and artificial sweeteners to health clubs, meal replacements, diet supplements, prescription drugs and even weight-loss surgeries. That’s a lot of money, not to mention the time and attention our culture puts on what the scale says about us. It also doesn’t include the additional medical costs incurred because we’re such an unhealthy, overweight nation.
I don’t know how women in other cultures feel, but I’d say many – if not most – women in this country have spent at least some of their life trying to lose weight! Something is wrong when the CDC statistics tell us 41% of America qualifies as “obese.”
 
What does God think about this? Does the Bible give us any guidance on whether or not our weight matters to Him? Are we spending our lives worrying about something that is irrelevant from an eternal perspective, or is it worth the attention it gets?
 
I believe there are two issues related to weight: appearance and health. Let’s see if the Bible can help us sift the truth from the lies, and come away with a proper, biblical perspective on such a distracting problem.
The Issue of Our AppearanceThe Bible does acknowledge that some people are more beautiful or attractive than others from a physical perspective. It doesn’t elevate or value a beautiful person above a less attractive person, but simply acknowledges the fact that differences exist.
“Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. And Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful of form and face” (Genesis 29:16-17).
“And Samuel said to Jesse, ‘Are these all the children?’ And he said, ‘There remains yet the youngest, and behold, he is tending the sheep.’ Then Samuel said to Jesse, ‘Send and bring him; for we will not sit down until he comes here.” So he sent and brought him in. Now he was ruddy, with beautiful eyes and a handsome appearance. And the Lord said, ‘Arise, anoint him; for this is he’” (1 Samuel 16:11-12).
 
“By faith Moses, when he was born, was hidden for three months by his parents, because they saw he was a beautiful child; and they were not afraid of the king’s edict” (Hebrews 11:23).
 
Of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A walk through a museum full of Renaissance paintings proves that weight is a matter of preference! But physical appearance is not the determining factor for God’s favor. We just read that David, God’s choice for Israel’s second king, was a handsome young man, but his older brother Eliab was even more appealing. What did God say about him?
“When they entered, he looked at Eliab and thought, ‘Surely the Lord’s anointed is before Him.’ But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart’” (1 Samuel 16:6-7, emphasis added).
 
God is concerned about our hearts far more than our appearance. We can be the most beautiful person in the world and work diligently to have a slim, strong body, but if our hearts are far from God, we have fallen short of what He desires.
“Now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require from you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways and love Him, and to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul” (Deuteronomy 10:12).
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8).
“Your adornment must not be merely external — braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God” (1 Peter 3:3-4).
Ultimately, the physical bodies we possess today will be done away with, and replaced with new, glorified bodies that can exist in both the physical and spiritual world of immortality for eternity. The frailties of our “earth suits” will not go with us when we are changed to be like Jesus!
“Now I say this, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Behold, I tell you a mystery; we will not all sleep, but we will all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet; for the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For this perishable must put on the imperishable, and this mortal must put on immortality” (1 Corinthians 15:50-53).
The Issue of Our HealthAppearance is an earthly, physical issue defined by culture, but health is the other side of the coin. Should we be concerned about our weight for health reasons, or does it matter at all, since these bodies will die and be replaced with a glorified, eternal one?
 
According to Scripture, we are to care for our bodies. This is not for appearance’s sake, but in gratitude to God for the gift of the body He created for His glory, and so that we can accomplish the purpose and work in life that He calls us to do.
God created our body with His own hands. He spoke the rest of the created world into existence, but when it came to the man and woman, He formed us personally!
 
“God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. … Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being” (Genesis 1:27; 2:7).
 
“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.’ So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man” (Genesis 2:18, 21-22).
This was not just the case for Adam and Eve. God knit you and me together in our mother’s wombs!
“For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well” (Psalm 139:13-14).
We are created by God and for God. God made our physical bodies for a reason – to be used in this life to bring honor and glory to Him.
“For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities — all things have been created through Him and for Him” (Colossians 1:16).
Not only did God create our physical bodies with amazing detail – millions of tiny cells that work together to walk and move and see and hear and taste, but even to heal itself. These bodies aren’t just an empty, physical shell. They are home for the soul (our mind, emotions, will, intellect) and spirit (the inner man that connects with God). We are brought to spiritual life as God Himself through the Holy Spirit who dwells in us, through our faith in Jesus.
“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
Because we are the temple of the Holy Spirit – the place where God dwells with us – we are cautioned not to destroy this temple. We are to care for it as a gift – a precious treasure to steward on His behalf, for His purposes, to be His representative in this world.
“Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If any man destroys the temple of God, God will destroy him, for the temple of God is holy, and that is what you are” (1 Corinthians 3:16-17).
Paul understood that his body was simply the vessel that God wanted to use to preach the gospel. He struggled with health issues; his body suffered greatly through persecution and the trials of life, but he stewarded his physical body to be used by God for as long as God allowed Him to live. His goal was to finish the course God laid out for him, and to finish it well and faithfully.
“But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God” (Acts 20:24).
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10).
I believe we have a responsibility, according to Scripture, to care for our bodies to the best of our ability. Weight is not the goal, but weight can be a symptom of a greater issue – that of our hearts. Do we really understand we are here just for a short time, with a singular purpose of glorifying God?
Are we allowing the Holy Spirit to exercise self-control in us? Are we choosing good nutrition to fuel this amazing body, so it works properly and stays healthy? Are we staying active so our muscles and bones stay strong, so that we can go where God calls us to go, and do the work He’s asked us to do? Or are we listening to the enemy, who wants to destroy our lives and keep us away from all that God has for us?
Do you struggle with your weight? You’re not alone. But don’t buy into the $75 billion industry that tells you it’s all about what you look like. The truth is that God has a purpose for your life and wants you to faithfully fulfill your calling. Ask God to help you be healthy so that you can enjoy the abundant life and Christ-centered mission He has planned for you.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly” (John 10:10).
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

​                                                  Working at home: Ditching Distractions  


                                                                        by Jill Hart


​One of the benefits of working from home is the flexibility to work anytime and anywhere. However, that also means being able to shut out the distractions that surround you at any given time. For me that can mean tuning out the TV, letting the answering machine pick up calls or shutting down my email program – whatever it takes to allow me to focus on the project at hand. Over the years, I’ve found a few things that have helped me accomplish this on a regular basis:
Set Aside Time
Having set working hours or setting aside a certain amount of time each day is extremely important when working from home. The times when I’ve gone through my days hoping that I’ll find the time to get some work done are the times that I’ve struggled the most.
I know of many work-at-home moms that band together and create a co-op where they take turns watching the kids while the other moms in the group work. This way each mom spends a few hours a week away from work while babysitting, but in return is able to focus solely on her business during the times her children are away.
Organize (But Not While You’re Supposed To Be Working)
I’m not an organized person by nature, but when it comes to my business I know that I must be. I’m a list person, so I make a series of lists at the beginning of each week for what needs to be accomplished each day. This helps keep me on track and gives me an idea of how much work time I need to aside each day.
Professional organizer Megan Spears agrees. She states, “The benefits of list making can allow you to relieve your mind of all those things swirling around up inside. Making that list can allow you to empty your mind of information so that you won’t stress about “trying to remember” tasks or activities.”
Turn It Off
A short while ago I took a day and tracked everything that I spent time doing. Hands down, my big time waster was checking my email – especially during time when I was supposed to be doing something else. I’ve learned that when I’m writing or working on a project, the email program must be turned off. This goes for other time wasters such as the television and even the phone. When I’m working, I generally let the answering machine do it’s job. I try to be careful, though, to return calls in a reasonable amount of time.
Know When To Multitask … And When Not To
One of the dilemmas that work-at-home moms face is balance. Because we want to accomplish as much as possible in a given day, we are tempted to do as many things at a time as possible. This can work with menial tasks (think cooking dinner while updating your favorite social networking website), but when you’re handling work for a client or in the midst of a large project it is actually more effective to focus one just that one thing.
Dave Crenshaw, author of The Myth of Multitasking, puts it this way:
“When people attempt to multitask, what they are really doing is switching rapidly back and forth between tasks. This is why I prefer to refer to multitasking as switchtasking . It is these switches that cause people to lose time. In this way, switchtasking causes us to be exponentially less productive.”
We don’t want to lose the freedom that being a work-at-home mom allows, but by re-evaluating how we’re spending our time we can increase our efficiency and eliminate distraction. By making these few simple changes we can not only get more done, but also do a better job of balancing our professional lives and our personal ones.

                                                                    To Mothers Stuck in Regret
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                                                                    By Courtney Reissig.
                                                                      Little Rock Arkansas

It’s a familiar feeling as the day ends. I kiss my kids goodnight, pray for them, sing them a song, and
then walk out of their rooms. I replay the day: the frustrated response to their behavior, the time spent on my phone instead of in conversation, the way I brushed them aside instead of engaging in a game with them, the outburst of anger. It all weighs on me, and I can feel undone. The lost moments of the day seem to drown out any moments of faithfulness that occurred. Will they remember these failures? Have I scarred them? Is God unhappy with me?

Moms are often plagued with guilt and regret. Sometimes the guilt is legitimate because we have sinned against our kids. Sometimes it’s projected on us by our own unbiblical expectations. Either way, where can we go with our mom-guilt and regret?

The Psalms are a faithful guide in our struggle. They are filled with a myriad of emotions, from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. The Psalms provide insight into how biblical characters experienced specific events. In doing so, they give us a window into the human soul, showing us that God cares about every part of our life experience. He cares about the details of the narrative, and he gives us language for responding to the story we find ourselves in, including our moments of deep regret.
                                     Deal with Regret Like DavidLife in a broken world means moms will experience regret. In Psalm 51, David is filled with regret over the murder of Uriah and his sexual sin with Uriah’s wife, Bathsheba. In other words, his regret is legitimate, not projected. He has sinned against God and others.

The most important step David takes when he feels regret is his first step toward God. We have a tendency to pull away from God when we sin. We can feel too shameful to come before a holy God. But this holy God is also merciful and gracious (Psalm 145:8). He delights to save his wayward children, if only they would come to him. Running away from him when we feel regret only leads to more regret. Running to him when we feel regret leads to life.

After coming before our Lord, we have to get honest. We’ve sinned, and we need help. David also acknowledges his sin. He doesn’t shy away from saying he has sinned, as he makes a passionate plea for God to cleanse him and make him new (Psalm 51:7–12). Without this request for forgiveness and cleansing, our sin will continue to weigh us down (Psalm 32:3–4). And so, we come, with sorrow in our hearts, asking a holy God to forgive our sins. Because of Christ, he does so freely and liberally. We don’t have to stay in our sin and regret. We can come boldly to the throne of God’s grace and find help for our time of need (Hebrews 4:16). We can acknowledge our sin, look to the Savior who paid for that sin, and move on.

                                  Two Types of GuiltWhen we sin, we have an advocate in Jesus and a model for confession in David. But what do moms do with the regret that may not be owing to sin? What about feeling like we just didn’t measure up, or feeling like we didn’t do enough for our kids?  If we’ve truly sinned, then we can pinpoint that sin in the Bible. The outburst of anger, the unkind word, the selfish response, idolizing our children — these are all sinful choices, and Scripture speaks to them plainly (Ephesians 4:31–32; Philippians 2:3–4).

Of course, sometimes we can’t tell if what we did was sinful or just owing to our human limitations. Sometimes what feels selfish is actually us acknowledging we need a nap. Sometimes what feels unkind is really just administering discipline so that our kids understand authority and boundaries.Even when we can’t tell the difference between true sin and “feeling bad,” however, the answer is still the same: we have an advocate before the Father (1 John 2:1). Whether we’ve sinned or just feel like we could have done better, our standing before Jesus is immovable.Psalm 131 helps to remind me of that standing place. There are realities too wonderful for me to grasp (verse 1); when I don’t understand the path to walk as a mom, I can quiet my soul and trust that God is holding all things together (verse 2). Just as a weaned child learns to trust where her next meal comes from, so I can learn to trust that my kids are all right. Any given day won’t ruin them. God ultimately has them, like he has me.

                                          Finished and FreeMany moms have  tendency to want to do everything right. We want to know all the rules so that we can execute the task perfectly. We don’t want to disappoint people. Which means we need to keep something in mind through this entire process: our identity is secure.If you’re trusting in Christ, he has already finished the work for you. Any amount of striving you do now is from faith, in delightful obedience to him, not out of a need to earn anything. Of course, he calls us to obey and walk according to his word — but we can’t add or take away from what Christ has already done for us. When we sin, it’s paid for by Jesus. When we disappoint people, that does not necessarily mean God is disappointed. When we make a mistake, God doesn’t condemn us. When we have regret, we have a path forward.

Our choices don’t have to shame us. We can walk in freedom before the Lord, knowing that in Christ we have everything — including the Holy Spirit, who gives us increasing wisdom to know what is sin and what is not. We often say in our home, “Tomorrow there are new mercies and new opportunities to obey.” If you sin today, tomorrow is holding new mercies for you (Lamentations 3:22–23). If you get to the end of the day and wish you had done more, tomorrow is holding new mercies for you.
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Regret doesn’t have the final word in your life — the resurrected Christ does. And because he said, “It is finished” (John 19:30), you can walk in newness of life today and every day after.

The Attractive 
Christian Woman 
By Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth
 


The New York Times printed an article entitled, “She’s Got to Be a Macho Girl.” It reads, “John Bernard is 16, strapping, handsome, a hormonal hot-pocket of a teenager. Guys like him were once every father’s nightmare. No longer. ‘The girls are way more aggressive than the boys,’ John said . . . . ‘They have more attitude. They have more power. And they overpower guys more. I mean, it’s scary.’” 

This is the culture in which we live. And yet Christ calls His followers to be counter- cultural. In fact, Paul says in 1 Timothy 2:9–10 that two attitudes are to characterize a Christian woman’s approach to her appearance and behavior: modesty and self-control. 

A Modest Heart 
You don’t hear the word modesty often today, at least not in a positive sense. It conjures up images of a dour, frumpy schoolmarm. But that’s a misconception. A woman’s greatest loveliness comes through a modest heart that expresses itself in modest behavior, dress, and attitudes. Modest comes from a Greek word, aidos, which means propriety, decency. 
The word also hints at a proper sense of shame. For example, a modest woman would be ashamed if anything about her attitude or appearance dishonored Christ, distracted other believers, or caused men to sin.A modest woman is disinclined to call attention to herself. There’s nothing wrong with having an outgoing personality, but a modest woman does not try to get people to notice her. In her speech, dress, and behavior, she is free from showiness or ostentation. 
Here are some questions to help you assess your level of modesty:
• Do I have a humble view of myself?
• Do I have a high view of God?
• Am I grieved at the thought of offending God or causing someone else to sin? 
© Revive Our Hearts. Used with permission.
 www.ReviveOurHearts.com [email protected] 
• Do I wear clothing that is neat, decent, and doesn’t cause distraction or temptation to others? 
• Am I guilty of promoting myself?
• Do I come across as controlling, bossy, or domineering? 
• Do I talk too much? Scripture says, “In the multitude of words sin is not lacking” (Prov. 10:19
. 
Controlled Freedom 
If you’re like me, you can easily get discouraged by reading passages like 1 Timothy 2:9-10 that spell out God’s standard for our lives as women. That’s why we need to call out to the Lord: “Apart from You, there is no way I can be the kind of woman You have called me to be! By the power of Your Holy Spirit, please make me this kind of woman.” If you allow the Spirit of God room to work, He will produce His fruit in your life— including the fruit of self-control. 
By practicing self-control, you’ll avoid many difficult situations altogether because you’ll make wise, restrained choices upfront—with your tongue, your eyes, your touch, your spirit. 
As you did with modesty, ask yourself some questions to evaluate your level of self- control: 
• Do I manage my time well?
• Am I disciplined in my work habits?
• Am I moderate and temperate in my eating, drinking, and spending?
• Is my tongue controlled by the Spirit, or do I blurt out whatever comes to mind? • Am I prone to emotional outbursts?
• Am I restrained in my relationships and demeanor with men? The greatest freedom comes when you’re under the control of the Holy Spirit. That’s when you can enjoy healthy and wholesome relationships in the Body of Christ. A heart of modesty and self-control will bring joy and peace in your life—and will make the Gospel believable to unbelievers. ​


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           BY SHANTÉ GROSSETT O'NEAL

​In 2016, a Dove survey reported that at least 50% of women struggle with their self-worth. With all of our body positivity and self-love movements, why are so many women still struggling in this way? What are we missing? And, if you struggle with self-worth, what can you do to experience victory in such a difficult fight?
 

What is self-worth and why does it matter?Self-worth, or self-esteem, is a sense of one’s own value as a human being. Simply put, it’s the opinions we have about who we are. 
Self-worth matters because we tend to live our lives based on the core attitudes and thoughts we have about ourselves. If we have a low sense of self-worth, we won’t truly be happy no matter what we do to try to fill the void. 
We all have an innate desire to be loved, wanted, and accepted. We were created that way. However, if we search for love and acceptance in the wrong places, we will always come up short. There’s no magic program, no motivational speaker, no new diet, no boyfriend, brand new clothes, or amount of wealth that can help us feel loved, wanted, or accepted if we don’t already know where our worth comes from. 
Where should we be finding our self-worth?If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. 
COLOSSIANS 3:1-4 
Our worth is wrapped in who Jesus is and what he did for us on the cross. He died and rose to life to bring us freedom. We also died to our old life and rose to a brand new life in Christ. We are daughters of the God and king of the universe. 
There is a God-sized void in our hearts that only he can fill. This is why our hearts naturally desire to glorify God. The deepest parts of us know that we need God. The thing is, when we fill God’s space with other things, we come up empty because nothing else can satisfy the longing of our hearts like he can. 
Why do so many women struggle with self-worth?There are so many reasons why women struggle with self-worth. We sometimes struggle because of the pressures of society, high expectations from family and friends, childhood struggles brought into adulthood, or even the desire to please a significant other. 
The thing is, these are just symptoms of an underlying cause. 
We’ve put other things in Jesus’ place. Remember when I said there’s a God-sized void in our hearts only he can fill? Well, sometimes we unknowingly stuff other things inside and leave no room for God. He is the one we need. He takes us by the hand and teaches us about our worth according to his word. But, if we are consuming everything else but his truth, we will definitely struggle to find our self-worth. 
The question is, who or what are you putting in God’s place? It could be causing you to have a low sense of self-worth. 
I struggle with self-worth when I put my anxious thoughts about myself in God’s place. It mostly happens when I am surrounded by new people. I get nervous and I start to think about all of the possible ways I can say or do something wrong in the moment. I start to believe horrible lies about myself that do not line up with God’s truth. Here’s a picture of what my thought process looks like: 
They won’t like me. 
I’m not good enough for them.
I won’t fit in.
I won’t be accepted.
What if I don’t belong?
Truthfully, my struggle with self-worth in that moment quickly disappears when I stop focusing on myself. He deserves the glory, not me or my anxious thoughts. 
What is the cure for our struggle with self-worth?And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” 
MARK 12:30-31 
I don’t think I’m the only one who’s struggle with self-worth comes from being overly focused on myself. We are often our biggest enemy in the fight for victory against a low sense of self-worth. 
If you notice, Jesus speaks often about loving God and others. He speaks very little about self-love. Don’t get me wrong, self-love is important but it’s also very natural for us. Don’t believe me? We’ll take any measure to make ourselves happy. We desire comfort and we love the status quo. We avoid pain and we seek instant gratification. The truth is, we naturally love ourselves, even if the love we have for ourselves isn’t the healthiest. 
If we want to practice true self-love and strengthen our sense of self-worth, we should put God and others before us. Think about it. If we decide to spend our energy trying to welcome others, we won’t have time to feel unwelcome. And if we try to love others, we won’t have to worry about not feeling loved. If we give to others, we stop worrying about what we lack. The less we focus on ourselves, the more we see Christ. 
What should you do if you struggle with self worth? Love your neighbor as yourselfAs I mentioned earlier, loving on someone else is a great way to win in the struggle with self-worth. You begin to think less about yourself and more about the other person, and suddenly, you’re no longer worrying so much about whether you’re enough or not. You’re simply trying to help someone else feel welcomed and loved. 
Receive God’s love Many of us are very familiar with loving others, and we love them well. Yet, we struggle to receive God’s love. If you struggle with self-worth, let go of everything that makes you feel like you’re not good enough and press into his love. The more of God’s love you receive, the more worthy you’ll feel as you begin to see yourself as he sees you. 
Read God’s Word The best way to receive God’s love is by reading his word. It tells about the sacrifice Jesus made for you by willingly laying down his life on the cross. It tells you of how far God would go to rescue you – he leaves the 99 just to find the one lost sheep. The Bible says that faith comes by hearing, and hearing comes by God’s word. The more you read, the more you will begin to believe. Your beliefs about God and what he says about you will transform you from feeling unworthy to knowing that you are worthy, always. 
Speak God’s truth until you believe itNext, speak God’s truth over your life. It’s not enough to just read it, you need to declare it too. The reality is, thoughts of unworthiness will come but if you declare God’s truth over yourself, those thoughts will not be able to overwhelm you. 
Remember growth is a process Growth is a process and you won’t be perfect the first time. You’ll fall down but simply get back up again. Keep trusting God to transform your thoughts and emotions to mirror his truth. 
The truth is you are worthy because God says you are. Spend time with him and let his words transform how you see yourself. Start loving God with your whole heart and start loving your neighbor as yourself. Give, serve, and welcome others. While it won’t be instantaneous, God will help you to recognize and walk confidently in the truth about your worth in him. 
 
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​ She is a trauma and critical care surgeon turned writer and homeschooling mom. She is author of Lost in the Caverns (The Dream Keeper Saga). She and her family live north of Boston.
 
On a recent ordinary afternoon, the sight of my daughter engrossed in a game of soccer moved me to prayer. At first, as I watched her fly across the field with her ponytail streaming behind her, her face flushed with determination, I swelled with gratitude for her instinct to live exuberantly in the body God has given her. Thank you, Lord, for her contentment.

In the very next breath, however, worry flooded me. She’s eight, I thought. How long will her confidence last? Will she still race against the wind when her straight lines bend into curves? As her body changes, will she revel in our Lord’s craftsmanship — or will she curl inward, lifting her eyes only to cast awkward glances at the mirror?

I lifted a new prayer: Father God, please let her continue to see the body that you’ve given her as a gift. Help her to live in her womanly body as one loved and redeemed. Help her, no matter how the years change her, to know she belongs body and soul to you.
                   
She Walks in Beauty?Throughout the ages, artists have celebrated the elegance and loveliness of the female form in verse, paint, and marble. “She walks in beauty,” Lord Byron wrote “like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies; / And all that’s best of dark and bright / Meet in her aspect and her eyes.” While such lofty praise tantalizes and flatters, in our fallen world the realities of living in a womanly body are far more complicated. When God expelled Adam and Eve from the garden, he ordained that one of the most fundamental experiences of womanhood would be painful: “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children” (Genesis 3:16). There was a physical, corporeal consequence to our spiritual rebellion. Whether we bear children or not, that curse permeates life in a female body.
 
“Our bodies echo God’s good work in uniquely creating women to nurture life.”
The first inklings of trouble often surface in adolescence. As little girls, we race and climb like the boys, and for a few years we may even stand a head taller, thanks to our jump on the growth curve. Then puberty hits, and suddenly we swell in unexpected places. Clothes don’t fit quite right. Pimples dot noses, and hair darkens once-bare skin. In the face of unstoppable changes, insecurities bubble up and wash away our comfort in the body God has given us.

While boys also stumble through adolescence, research suggests that the toll on girls is especially high. One UK study found that almost half of surveyed adolescent girls reported frequent anxiety about body image, compared with only one-fourth of boys. The finding mirrors previous research suggesting that girls experience more dissatisfaction with their appearance and weight. Unsurprisingly, eating disorders are more than twice as prevalent among girls as boys.

Groaning in the BodyThe complexities of life in a female body don’t end with our teenage years. If God blesses us with children, we marvel at how he has equipped the female body to sustain and nourish life — yet we do so while swamped with pain, exhaustion, and insecurity. Pregnancy breeds anticipation and wonder — along with aching joints, three months of nausea, another three months of insomnia, and countless other discomforts as our bodies stretch and groan. (My personal favorite was a repeatedly dislocating rib, a gift from my daughter in the third trimester.)

Then there’s the actual birthing process. Though lauded as magical on social media, in reality it’s painful, frightening, and fraught with danger for us, our babies, and our families. When those long-awaited newborns enter our arms, we cry tears of elation but also face new trials. If we can’t nurse, we feel like failures. The continuous needs of an infant deplete us. Tumultuous shifts in our hormones can leave us feeling desolate, even depressed.

We stumble through motherhood, vocation, or both for decades, and then menopause hits. Our hair thins. Lines reflecting a tendency to laugh or worry permanently crease our faces. The baby weight that we promised to lose becomes a permanent fixture on our hips. A laundry list of medical problems piles up alongside a litany of advertisements that guarantee shiny hair and supple skin. Amid the deluge, we worry that we’re unattractive, undesirable — and no longer womanly.
So, while we can say with Lord Byron that beauty marks our God-given bodies, the mundane and awkward features of living in them confirm that we still walk in a sin-stricken world.
                         
Wonderfully MadeAmid the mire of culture and social media, our aching muscles and unwieldy hormones, we can lose sight of God’s goodness. The truth is that, while fallen, our bodies remain good even as we age and change because God made them good (Psalm 139:13–14). He created Eve because Adam needed a helper: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18). God’s call for people to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28) hearkens back to his design of women, whom he created to support new life.

The value of our bodies, therefore, resides not in what we accomplish by our own hands — not in the litheness of our limbs or in the firmness of our skin — but rather in what he has done, and continues to do through us.Even if the Lord ordains that we remain childless, our bodies echo his good work in uniquely creating women to nurture life and to complement our male counterparts. Our minds work differently from those of men; while individuals vary, women overall have greater deftness in fine motor coordination, language skills, and memory, abilities that equip us to teach and guide those in our midst. While men have more muscle mass, our muscles more readily resist fatigue and recover at a faster rate, and we’re less prone to the effects of sleep deprivation. A woman’s body can endure the long, hard hours often required to care for others.Even more important than such differences, however, is how God has made men and women similar: he created both in his image, for his glory (Genesis 1:26). And he has redeemed both through the blood of his beloved Son, who is making all things new (Revelation 21:5).

Means to WorshipChrist’s death and resurrection transform our relationship with every aspect of life, including our bodies. Rather than something to hide, bemoan, or idolize, the body is a means to worship. “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?” Paul writes. “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19–20).As women redeemed, we aim for modesty, for holiness, and for good stewardship of our feminine vessels (Ephesians 4:22–24; 1 Timothy 2:9–10). For our call “to glorify God and to enjoy him forever,” as the Westminster Catechism puts it, manifests itself in the way we use our bodies, not just in how we focus our minds and hearts.
 
“Rather than something to hide, bemoan, or idolize, the body is a means to worship.”
We can, as Paul entreats us, “present [our] bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God,” resisting conformity to the world and committing instead to the renewal of our minds — and bodies (Romans 12:1–2). Rather than carnal spectacles for others to ogle, our bodies are godly gifts, entrusted to us so that we might worship him, glorify him, and walk in the good works that he has already prepared for us (Ephesians 2:10).


Sure Hope for Frail BodiesFor the Christian woman weary of life’s physical toll, this news is cause for rejoicing. Our bodies remain good no matter the season of life through which we tread, no matter how we sag and ache, because Christ has made us new. The worth of our form hinges not on fashion trends, but on God’s one and only Son — who gave his life so that we might live, even as our bodies age. In him we are never misshapen, withering, or out of style. Rather, we are members of “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light”
(1 Peter 2:9).

As we talk with our daughters, whether with little girls racing across a soccer field or with teens scrutinizing themselves in a mirror, the gospel informs our conversations and infuses them with hope. Jesus redeems not only our souls, but our bodies, and so we reassure them that their shifting contours have a God-given purpose. If Christ has made them new, they can shut out the imagined reproach of others and instead embrace their identity in him.

​No matter how awkward they feel, they were made women for a purpose. No matter how the world would chastise or pressure them, they are redeemed and made alive in Christ. And as image-bearers of the one true God, the female body in which they move and strive and love is very good (Genesis 1:31).
 
 
 
 
      

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                                                                          by Jasmine Patton
                                                                          (San Francisco bay area)
 
We all have a picture in our mind when we hear the term “self-care.” One might imagine an early morning hike followed by a good cup of dark roast coffee while overlooking a sunrise. Others might think of taking a warm bubble bath with a good book or water coloring in the wilderness or dancing crazily when no one is looking. Some may think of self-care as pampering yourself with expensive spa treatments, makeup, clothes, and food at a well-deserved weekend away with friends. You might simply define self-care as nothing more than satisfying essential bodily needs, such as eating well, exercising, or getting enough sleep. Nevertheless, given these various perceptions of what self-care entails, it’s important that we understand its root rather than analyzing the examples of how it generally manifests in our minds.              Join me for a brief history lesson.

The History of the Self-Care Movement
Prior to the late 1960s, the term self-care was a medical concept, applying exclusively to those suffering with great physical or mental aliments. However, during the rise of both the women’s and civil rights movements in the 1970s, the term took on a political identity as members of minority groups began advocating their need to take care of themselves as a result of the government’s failure to take care of them. These groups argued that they faced a greater deal of stress and anxiety compared to their white and male counterparts and therefore needed more care and opportunities for relaxation. Following the 9/11 attacks, the term emerged once again due to the large amount of people dealing with PTSD and related anxieties. Today, many people don’t realize the political history of the Self-Care Movement and often associate the term with luxurious, time-consuming or mindless forms of relaxation or rejuvenation.

Addressing Stress Management
In its essence, however, stress management is the underlying problem that self-care seeks to address. The proposed solution takes multiple forms, many of which are accompanied with a large price tag. Other solutions to stress may be less expensive but otherwise silly, or focus on the arts, food, or outdoor activities. What all of these proposed solutions share in common is their tactic to distract you from the stresses of your life. Yet, the means of distraction are often indulgent, selfish, and temporary. Sadly, when the activity is over and the credit cards have been run, your problems, stresses, and sins still remain. No amount of water coloring will make them disappear.

The Bible and Self-Care
Does the Bible address the topic of self-care? Not in the way the world conceives of it. The Bible never encourages us to use distractions to take us away from our problems or sins. Actually, Scripture always points you to repent, pray and look to the Lord for ultimate peace and contentment (Prov 3:5-6; Phil 4:11; Heb 13:5). What the world endorses as “self-care,” is often a carefully-disguised form of selfishness to help us escape from our problems.The Bible never encourages us to use distractions to take us away from our problems or sins.
Nevertheless, the Lord does encourage rest, and we find multiple examples in God’s Word of what true rest involves and how it can be achieved. In this article I will address two different aspects of rest that Scripture promotes: physical rest and spiritual rest.

The Place for Physical Rest
First, there is a place for physical rest in the Christian life. God grants His children rest in the form of sleep and time off from one’s work. Psalm 127:2 says, “It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved.” Relaxing sleep is both a gift from God and a continual remainder for us to rely on Him. It may be an easy thing to accomplish when you’re laying down unconscious for a third of your life, but the same principle should carry through in the other two thirds.Furthermore, God modeled the concept of resting one day a week in the creation of the world. In the Old Testament, He consecrated the seventh day of the week, known as the “Sabbath,” and did not allow His people to work on that day. “Six days you shall do you work,” God told his people, “but on the seventh day you shall rest” (Ex 23:12).
Today, while the Sabbath has been ultimately fulfilled in Jesus (Heb 4:1-10), the principle of resting from work for one day a week can still prove to be fruitful and wise. Resting from our labors allows one to refuel, recharge, and re-enter the work week with renewed energy! However, it is important to remember that the purpose of the Sabbath in the Old Testament was to worship the Lord. Therefore, there is a strong correlation between rest and worship. Your rest needs to ultimately be God-centric, as opposed to you-centric.

Godward Self-Care
This Godward orientation is the main difference between the world’s definition of self-care and what the Lord defines as rest. Remember, the world’s idea of self-care found is built around the aim of distracting you from your problems or to give you an excuse to indulge, spoil, or pamper yourself. The purpose of rest as put forth in the Bible is to draw you near to the Lord in worship and adoration and to re-energize you to work more productively for the advancement of the Kingdom. “Do not grow weary in doing good,” the apostle Paul reminds us (Gal 6:9). I believe one very helpful way of not growing weary is by regularly resting as God intended.
Furthermore, the self-care movement is only dealing with temporary “fixes” for daily stress, anxiety, and weariness. But God offers an eternal, perfect rest for one’s soul that is found in Jesus Christ. “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden,” Jesus says, “and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matt 11:28-30). In this passage, Jesus is referring to the rest found in salvation. Being adopted into the family of God and having your sins forgiven secures one’s eternal destiny in heaven. Faith in Jesus allows for ultimate spiritual rest and ongoing communion with the Lord as you walk through life’s challenges. This spiritual rest can provide mental rest as you “entrust [your soul] to a faithful Creator while doing good” (1 Pet 4:19). God designed the human heart to find rest and satisfaction in His infinite goodness. In fact, our hearts long for it.God designed the human heart to find rest and satisfaction in His infinite goodness.
A helpful self-examination question is asking whether you are truly resting in Christ’s work on your behalf. Do you believe that your faith alone has saved you from an eternity of conscious torment, but at the same time try to add to it? In Galatians 3:2-3 Paul rhetorically asks, “Let me ask you only this: Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?” Essentially, feeling the need to “do good things” in order to add to your righteousness before God will lead us into very dangerous territory. The good news of the gospel rests on the foundation that Christ has accomplished everything in your place. If you find yourself completely and utterly exhausted and in continual need of “self-care,” I would encourage you to turn afresh to Christ and rest in Christ’s work rather than your own. 

Self-Care and Women
But why has the self-care movement targeted women as their primary audience? I will offer two potential reasons, and I encourage us as Christian women to consider whether we have fallen prey to either mentality. The first is our current society’s perspective that women work too hard and therefore deserve a break. Yet, Proverbs 31:10-31 is clear that God expects a lot from women. Just from this passage alone we see a model of a woman who makes clothes for her household, works late into the night, wakes up while it’s still dark outside, runs a profitable side business, cares for the poor, and blesses everyone around her. That’s quite a woman! Today, however, women often feel burdened or exhausted by their daily work. I wonder how much of this exhaustion has to do with our mindset that we have too many responsibilities. If this is the case, we need to be reminded that God expects both men and women to work hard and accomplish much in the day. That’s the model. Yes, there are extenuating circumstances (such as illnesses) that may keep us from working diligently. But in general, we should experience some tiredness as a result of carefully attending to our daily work. The second reason why the self-care movement has focused chiefly on women is that many women don’t take the time to rest. Because the roles of wife and mother are often endless and necessary for the survival of their households, women feel a tremendous amount of responsibility to keep going and never stop for a break. I think this is a time when husbands and friends can be helpful in taking the reins for a short time to allow the hard-working woman to have some time to rest.Failure to regularly rest allows exhaustion to compound which leads to burnout and the constant lingering feeling of, “I just need a break.” This, in turn, leads to not working very productively or effectively. The truth is we all need rest because that’s how God created us. We have a finite amount of energy. We rest, therefore, not to be selfish or self-centered, but to refuel ourselves to work hard for our families, our churches, and our Lord.

Conclusion
The concept of self-care is, by and large, selfish and often rooted in escapism—no matter how hard its proponents may argue otherwise. It serves as a means of forgetting our responsibilities and literally doing anything to not think about one’s problems, sins, or worries. The Bible offers a very different answer, calling the weak, the tired, the burdened, the helpless, the overwhelmed to look to Christ, casting all their burdens at His feet. He is rest. He alone can heal the brokenhearted, energize the exhausted, strengthen the weak. Seeking Christ for who He is rather than what He can give you is one of the most restful things one can do for their soul. Don’t replace rest in Christ with getting a facial at the spa or going on a sunset hike. It is important to scrutinize every modern secular concept through the lens of Scripture, understanding its origin and manifestations and straining it through what God’s Word says. Thorough study can help you develop a deeper understanding of the Lord and His ways. And the one thing I can guarantee: you will always find His ways are best.