When you aren’t a typical woman
 
 
                                                                   By Abigail Dodds
 
I guess I’m not a typical woman. She spoke of her love for sports and lack of emotionality as she made this (ironically typical) confession. Her statement inspired me to freshly ask, How many of us would call ourselves a typical woman?
What do we mean by “typical woman” anyway? And is being typical a good thing or not?
In my conversations with ladies of many ages, I’ve noticed that we have varying understandings of the typical woman, but few of us think of ourselves as one. Start a conversation with a woman in your church, ask her all about herself, find out her life story, and usually you will hit a point where she will tell you that she doesn’t (or didn’t) feel like a typical woman. We may not think of ourselves as special or unique, but many of us have had the experience of feeling — whether for good or for bad — like we didn’t quite fit the mold. 
Maybe you didn’t like to play with dolls as a child, or maybe you love wielding power tools. Perhaps you aren’t sure you want children, or you despise shopping or love woodworking. Some have a nagging feeling of incompetence as a mom or nonexistent cooking skills or were considered a tomboy or the only girl math major in college. I know many women whose husbands talk more than they do, or have a hard time connecting with other women — or a hundred other ways women don’t feel like they are quite the typical woman, depending on what their view of typical is.
Some are happy to be different than the perceived norm — and proud — as if the closer they get to what is regarded as masculine, the more powerful or respected they will be. Their view of a woman is narrow and somewhat pathetic, so it makes sense that they’d want to distance themselves from it. Others are sad — and even ashamed — that no one taught them what womanhood was supposed to look like, and now they’re fumbling around in the dark trying to figure it out. 
Anything but TypicalAs Christians who have the benefit of God’s own revelation of the truth in the Bible to help us navigate this world, along with the benefit of the creation itself to clue us in on God’s design, we need not fixate on what our society seems to call typical. The goal of a Christian woman isn’t to be typical. Especially if what typical means is an overly made-up, hyper-feminine, wilts-at-the-first-sign-of-hard-work, check-brain-at-door type of woman. Where is that in the Bible? Thankfully fainting couches and Southern belles aren’t mentioned either. Rather, we live our life in Christ and pursue holiness — and that is anything but typical.
As a child, when I watched my mom, a farmer’s daughter, use the chainsaw to take down dead branches and load them into the trailer to haul to the brush pile, I was learning about being a woman. When I saw her prepare our home for countless guests, and food for countless mouths, I was learning about being a woman. When I heard her discuss the Bible with dozens in our living room every Tuesday night, I was learning about being a woman, because she was a woman doing those things. And thankfully for me, she was more — she was a Christian woman.
When we read the narratives of godly women in Scripture, the same thing happens — we have the advantage of observation, of watching particular women face particular situations. We watch the Hebrew midwives fear God more than Pharaoh, and in so doing, save the Hebrew sons (Exodus 1:15–21). We see Rahab earnestly bind herself to Yahweh, putting her life on the line for his people (Joshua 2:1–21) and Sarah believe that God would provide a son against all odds (Hebrews 11:11) and teenage Mary magnify the Lord in the strangest of circumstances (Luke 1:26–38) and Prisca risk her neck for Paul (Romans 16:3–4). In all these, we learn about being women — not as a cookbook of what we must do with our lives, but as varied examples of God-fearing women through the ages. And we learn that far from being typical, we must be faithful women in the life and circumstances God has given us.
God’s Crowning JewelI wonder if we all can agree that how we feel about being a woman doesn’t have any decisive bearing on what we are. We may feel like we don’t fit the mold, but God calls us to live in a way that shatters the world’s expectations. So in our misfit feelings, he has actually given us a gift. Our misfit feelings don’t change reality. We are women. When we act, when we do whatever it is we do, we do so as women, and we become a living narrative that models womanhood to those around us, for good or for ill.
As Christian women, we are telling people what God is like. Not because God is a woman, but because we bear his image, are clothed in Christ, and have his Spirit at work in us. We are his representatives — as women. We tell a story with all we say and do about who God is. That God made you a woman is an essential part of the story he is telling about himself.
So what does your life tell the people around you about God and the crowning jewel of his creation called woman? When we walk in holiness with our God-ordained peculiarities, in his lovingly appointed circumstances, we tell the world the truth about God. When we indulge in sinful proclivities, we distort the truth about him. And perhaps the most important, powerful thing we tell the people around us, living as Christian women, is that we are not stuck in sin.
We never are powerless in our sin, because the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is at work in us to make us new. The story we tell when we repent and turn is the gospel story. It is the truest thing we can say with our lives.
Don’t Be TypicalThe other gracious thing God has done is that he’s made a whole body to show forth his glory. I’m so thankful that my kids have Christian women to learn from other than me — women whose lives are marked by obedience to God. That way they can see faithful women with skills in management and organization, women navigating disability, women who teach science and piano, women who enjoy ironing and are excellent meal-planners and dearly love to laugh. They are atypical because in whatever they do, they do so to God’s glory — and that is rare indeed.
So, be encouraged and truly liberated, all you atypical women. God doesn’t ask you to be typical. He calls you to be his. He calls for unequivocal submission and loyalty to himself — and this requirement is the most loving thing he could command of you. 
A life of obedience to God is the riskiest life that has ever been truly safe. And as he commands our submission to him and his Book and his design, he simultaneously enables it through the limitless power of his saving Son.
.             
 
 
 
 

                                                Submission, A family thing.
 
 
 
                                              By Barbra Greenlaw
 
 
Recently I finished writing a “memoir” for my children: memories of my childhood home and school and family ~ information which I thought they would enjoy. I have worked on it over many years, but finally got to the point where I realized I could go on tweaking it forever. It is what it is. I printed it out and they each got a copy. I also sent a copy to my brother.

I cautioned him that my memories and his might not be the same. He is considerably younger than I, and we were raised almost as two only children. He responded, “Yes! And I can always tell myself, ‘What does she know ~ she’s only a woman!’ ”. I smiled ~ I know my brother ~ but afterward I also realized that he was joking about something he believes. I have been thinking about this for several days. He is not alone in the Christian world. I have known far too many men who believe they are small gods and that wives are merely here to provide free sex, supply domestic services, and to bear children. In my opinion, this comes from a distorted interpretation of “submission” regarding the role of women …perpetrated by men, of course.

What is needed is a clarification of the word “submission”.
Men and women are different. God has given us different emotional strengths, physical strengths, and ways of processing information, although Intelligence and maturity are not gender specific. At our best, we complement each other and together form a whole greater than the sum of our individual two selves. A husband is not a law unto himself; he is also subject to submission. He is to submit himself humbly to the primary authority of God, with all that this involves in representing the characteristics of God: primarily love, justice, and all the fruits of the spirit. His conferred secondary authority is not a privilege by which he can justify being a petty tyrant, but a deep responsibility for the welfare of the family: providing the primary income, spiritual guidance, and protection.

The wife is to respect this responsibility and his authority, and it helps if she can willingly accept the third place in the chain (God, husband, wife). This certainly does not mean that the husband is superior to the wife or that his position gives him license, or that he can treat her like a servant. It does mean that his is the greater burden for the welfare of the family, and the wife is to respect that. It also does not mean that the wife is to have no input or authority within the family. They are to honor and nurture each other (and mutually nurture the children). She is to have dignity and input, with her own opportunities for ministry and responsibility. The “good wife” of Proverbs 31 does not describe a childlike, subservient, and self-deprecating person who is unable to think or act with confidence.

Unfortunately, there are very few marriages which can match the ideal. Reality calls for compromises and flexibility. In today’s culture often both husband and wife must work, and childcare is shared or assisted by outsiders. This does not change the order of authority, but it does complicate things, calling for even deeper maturity.

In a Christian marriage, as in all marriages, it is to be hoped that the partners genuinely love one another. Love gives rather than takes. However, one word of caution here. It is possible for women to give so much of themselves to the role of wife and mother that they lose their own identity. There is nothing wrong is consciously choosing to give ourselves away as long as we maintain some objectivity and space for ourselves. In God’s eyes, we are individuals, with individual souls, spiritual journeys, our own gifts ~ and I believe He wants us to develop and use these gifts as well as raise our families. He did not give us these talents just to have us throw them away because we are raising children for a few years. It is great to be cookie-baking moms if we choose, but we should still contribute to the life of the church, or use our educations and talents. Someday (far sooner than we wish) the children will be grown and gone, and who will we be if we have neglected to develop our own inner resources in the cause of being “Mom”? Just a thought.

When we are married we make many promises to each other before God. I believe we need to act on these promises: to love for better or for worse; for richer or for poorer; in sickness and in health. We are told to submit to one another. These are mutual promises and that is why those men who assume the right to demand that their every whim be satisfied are not in the will of God. Those women who feel entitled to be carried around on a little silk pillow and don’t want to have to pitch in with some hard work are also not doing the will of God. A good marriage takes two emotionally mature adults, both contributing, both dedicated to the good of the family and to each other, and each respecting the work of the other. Love is a reciprocal thing. When we give first to each other, everyone’s needs are more likely to be met. When only one person gives, it is eventually not enough, and love begins to evaporate.

Unfortunately, I know very few ideal marriages. People bring themselves to marriage and living in close proximity to another human being takes some major adjustments. We each have our own ideas of what a marriage should be. If I expect him always to act like my beloved father and he expects me always to act like his sainted mother, we may have problems. Marriage is a process, with periods of growth or retrogression or coasting, and even moments of occasional enlightenment. Unfortunately, most young couples seldom look much farther ahead than the bed, assuming that “love” will take care of everything .

Problems come when partners have different agendas. How do we come to a compromise? Even though every cell in my independent mind resists the idea, I believe this is where the husband has the responsibility to make the final decision. However, his decision process needs to include much prayer and listening to and lovingly hearing the input from his wife. When either partner assumes an attitude of entitlement, or where there is no sense of teamwork, or where either is not appreciated or respected but simply used, there will never be happiness. There is no room for self-centeredness in a marriage. There is too much work to be done for one partner to have to do it all. Couples need to be teams, with responsibilities clearly defined and the terms acceptable to both partners. Everyone needs to be able to be flexible so that when situations and circumstances change suddenly, everyone can make the necessary adjustments.

​Bottom line: everyone, men and women, needs to believe we are loved. Do we remember what it was like as teenagers and being afraid that no one would ever love us? How alone and insecure we felt? Then along comes this wonderful man or woman who looks at us and sees us, we believe, as no one else has ever seen us; sees deep into our soul and says, “You’re wonderful!  I love you!” Hallelujah! We dream of spending the rest of our lives with this incredibly astute person and then we marry… and soon begin to realize that they are very human and not gods or goddesses. They are real people who snore or leave their wet towels all over the bathroom or who put their hair up in curlers and wear flannel pajamas instead of beautiful nighties; who may occasionally burp or forget to put their dirty clothes in the hamper, or put empty milk bottles back in the fridge ~ and our elation withers and we come back down to earth. The thing is, though, we have made a commitment. We are just seeing things from a slightly different perspective. That person, now asleep in the chair in front of the TV with the baseball game blaring out into an otherwise empty room, is still the same person who looked deep into my eyes and told me he thought I was beautiful (even though I know 
I am pretty ordinary ). That woman with the white glop on her face and smearing cream into her elbows is still the same woman who saw past his inability to verbalize his feelings and heard him anyhow, with love and compassion.
Marriage is not easy. Families are not easy. I know this from experience; my marriage failed after almost three decades. I have had a long time to think about this and learn. The key to Christian marriage is bringing the Lord into the relationship at every point and allowing His Spirit to guide, strengthen, and help us to forgive. Submission to Him is the answer for all of us, whether we are men or women. Life would be so much simpler and happier if we could remember this.
 
 
 
 

 
                          I AM STRONG BECAUSE GOD IS MY SOURCE OF STRENGTH
 
                                                                              By Lisa Bevere
 
 
Let’s settle something.  Strong is not wrong. 

Too often Christian women are associated with weakness rather than strength. Sometimes religion has taught us to hide rather than to rise. It is true that we are called to be meek, but not weak. Meek is best defined as strength under control. Both Moses and Jesus were meek, but not weak. The meek know their strength comes from God. Esther was meek, but she was no weakling. The meek are also the humble because they understand that their strength comes from a higher power. The meek know how and when to fight, but they are not looking for one. 

Strength is a two-edged sword that can be used as a weapon of destruction or a means of release that sets the captives free. It is not unusual that the first captive that requires release is ourselves
 
 
This life requires strength. And as we live longer, life gets harder. Living godly in a godless culture will require much more strength than you or I can muster on our own. Thankfully we are not on our own. We are going to examine the following verses from Ephesians that outline why each of us must embrace the challenge and become strong. After describing how we interact in relationships, Paul begins Ephesians 6:10–18 with “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power” (v. 10). 
Relationships require strength. But whenever I try to love or even like someone in my own strength, I am doomed to fail. We have a very limited human capacity for the type of strength we need each day. This is why we tap into the strength and power of our Lord. Another version simply says it this way, “God is strong, and he wants you strong” (msg). 

God knows we are not strong, so He makes us strong. David tapped into this source of strength when he was a worshipping shepherd. Our God is almighty to make us mighty. Our Father is all-powerful to give His daughters power. God has a plan for your life and the devil has a scheme. His scheme is to knock you out of God’s plan. I must warn you the devil will not fight fairly. The moment you became a daughter of God, you were marked by God’s Holy Spirit and noted by the enemy. Before your rebirth you were his slave, and now you are a target. But once we are acquainted with our source of true strength, it’s time to armor up. “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes”(Ephesians 6:11). 

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You that You are strong and You want me strong too. I will armor up to stand in Your plan. 

I AM STRONG BECAUSE GOD IS MY SOURCE OF STRENGTH!
 
 

Dealing with Toxicity at the workplace as a Christian

 by Annette Wright Warmington

(member of mt. airy church of Christ)

 
In the workplace, impact on your health can lead to high stress, anxiety and sometimes depression with the toxic culture of people we work among today- 

Proverbs 13:20, 22:24-25, tells us to avoid fools. It also tells us "Make no friendship with an angry man..." advises against becoming like them. 
When you see these behaviors in everyday life in the workplace it because leaderships of today enables their behaviors and continue to keep those kinds of employees around constantly stirring up trouble turning the environment into a Hostile workplace for the decent employees. I personally witnessed a coworker being videoed smoking marijuana on the premises of the workplace by HR, no reprimed was done to this coworker. I just could not believe it. 
 
Ephesians 5:11 commands believers to "have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness but rather reprove them".
Situations like this has damaged other employees like: (doctors and medical assistants) who has left this company because of this kind of behavior and acts being seen. These providers and medical assistants decided not to deal with this kind of behavior and nothing being done to set an example for all the other employees, this is a Healthcare Center where sick people come for medical attention. Management just sweeps it under the rug or tuck it in a closet. A broken, cynical, or deeply sad spirit saps energy, leading to physical and spiritual decay, symbolized by bones drying up. 

1 Corinthians 15:33  Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
The behavior of these toxic people often act as victims creating drama and refuse to take responsibility for their actions.  For people like this we must establish boundaries, clearly define what behavior you will not tolerate and enforce it to protect your mental and emotional well-being. 

Proverbs 27:17. No two people are exactly alike, which means that no two friends will have the same way of relating to us. Some we can trust to help us with certain tasks that our other friends will not assist us in completing. “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.
 
 
 
 
We must maintain detachment and do not take toxic behavior personally; we must always focus on our own spiritual performance reactions. A person has to want to change especially when you can see how messed up some of their lives are, they want to take your spiritual joy away from you because they do not see you struggling like themselves. They just don’t get it. It’s called living as a Soldier for GOD and walking as a Christian by faith and not by sight. I am very peaceful at work; I prayed and asked GOD to take me out of a toxic environment and put me into a peaceful environment and he did. I love the other office I work at now; he seen my struggles and took care of it for me. Amen

​Ecclesiastes:  7:20 Teach us no one does good without sin. No one. We all fall short of the glory of God. And because we all sin, no matter our culture, our upbringing, or our pedigree, we all share the same problem: “How are we reconciled to God?” The only answer is Jesus Christ.
Conclusion: Our Spiritual Protection advises us to continue to be wise keep praying for those who are difficult and not allowing their toxic actions to ruin our peace with GOD and ourselves.
1-Prov 20:22:  States, Do not say, 'I will repay evil;  wait for the LORD, and He will save you. God  also says, “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men.
2-Proverbs 17:22: States, "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones, that joy promotes health and well-being, while a negative or broken spirit depletes strength, highlighting the powerful connection between our emotional state and physical health.
3- It's a call to cultivate a happy, grateful attitude, finding joy in God, relationships, and life's blessings as a form of natural healing, as opposed to letting despair wither one's vitality.
 
 
AMEN
 

   
                                                                  LEADING FRAGILE LIVES
 
                                                                     By Julie Manning
 
 
 
 
I dare to say that our lives are more fragile than each of us probably realizes or truthfully admits.
If we are honest with ourselves, we feel confidently secure that when we lay our head on our pillow at night, we will awaken to face another day. We do our best to control the variables in our lives with the hope that we can control our fitness level and health and even avoid obvious risky behaviors. But the truth of the matter is that we are all on borrowed time. If we take time to read the Bible, we are reminded that life this side of heaven is fleeting, even transient. And, if our lives are transient and the things of this world are transient, I sure do want to find something to anchor my soul that does not change and is not transient. First Peter 1:24–25 points me to the Unchangeable:
 
“For ‘all flesh is like grass, and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls off, but the word of the Lord abides forever.’” The word abide used in this verse is the Greek word meno, which means “to remain, endure, stand firm, to last.”2 The Word of the Lord, the Bible, remains through all things, endures through all times, stands firm against all circumstances, and will be lasting even until Christ’s return for His people.
 
From the beginning of creation the Lord has numbered my days, and He has numbered your days, your heart- beats, and your breath, too. Each one of us that walks on this earth has been given an appointed time to live and to die. Solomon reminds us in Ecclesiastes 3:1–2, “There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven: a time to give birth and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot.” Even though I have been given a diagnosis, my life is no different from yours because the God of creation has
designed each one of my
breaths just as He has your
own. Each of our lives is held
in the all-powerful, all-knowing hand of our Creator.

You may not be constantly reminded of your life’s brevity as I am. See, I am reminded
 hundreds, if not thousands, of times a day when I physically feel my heart flip-flop in my chest, when I become short of breath climbing a flight of stairs, and when I twice daily take the medications to support my heart function. Even with these reminders, I often wonder: Do I really get it?! Do we really get it?! What would our lives look like if we really did live with our life’s brevity at the forefront of our mind? Would we pursue the temporary, or would we pursue the eternal? I hope my answer is the latter. I have grown to be thankful for the racing heart and skipped heartbeats I feel, for this reminds me that this life is not my own. This life is not about Julie. This life is about living for the One who sacrificed it all on the cross. I owe Him my life, and it is for Him that I desire to live.

My perspective of this life has changed. Friends that knew me before all of this happened would say that I really do live differently. However, this does not mean I am any less prone to reverting into my old habits or old ways of doing things sinning. 

I relate to Robert Robinson who penned the words of the well-known hymn “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing.” The hymn was written in 1757. Out of the overflow of Robert’s heart, at the young age of twenty-two, came, “Prone to wander Lord I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love. Take my heart Lord, take and seal it. Seal it for Thy courts above.” When fear creeps back in my mind or my hands reach out to take hold of control in some area of my life, I am prone to wander. I am prone to wander when I succumb to the tendency of depending on my own self and my own strength and my own abilities, to live out this life apart from the power and promises of God. Yet I am thankful for the Holy Spirit in my life who does not allow me to get that far lost in the forest before my mind and heart are reminded of God’s character and His promises that He is faithful to keep— thus, bringing me back to relying on Him for everything.

​My diagnosis and my daily symptoms have caused me to be that much more sensitive to living a purposeful intentional life rather than a life of self-absorption and comparison. When my time does come for me to meet God Almighty, Abba Father, face-to-face, I hope He finds me on the floor reading books to my kids, playing chase in the backyard, or having an authentic and vulnerable conversation with my neighbor. I share this journey, my story with you, with the expectation that Jesus might just use it to impact your life. I earnestly pray for you as your eyes read these words and your heart and mind process what I share. I pray that Jesus will reawaken your soul, giving you the perspective that this place, this earth, is not our forever home. And, because this is not our home, we can face life’s circumstances with strength and courage, even grace and joy. Because Jesus is better and because Jesus is enough!
 
 

                                       Rediscovering yourself and God’s plan after divorce
                                                                  By Stephanie Bartelt

When I first became a single mom years ago, I had no intention of ever dating again. The last few years of my marriage had been almost unbearable. So much pain, so much neglect, so little peace. I didn’t want to risk that happening ever again. I had been in survival mode for a long time, and I felt unsure of how to get back into the life I had been missing. I just wanted to stay in my little cocoon, focused on my daughter.

I knew I needed help. Needed healing. Needed someone who had been through this before and could help light the path ahead of me. So, I went through DivorceCare. Twice. Seriously, once just wasn’t enough. There is so much brokenness when a marriage ends, no matter how it ends. I watched the videos, did the homework, and went to every meeting. I knew that no human relationship could provide the healing I needed, so I turned to God to be my everything. 
During those dark and lonely days, I learned to lean into Him and listen to His voice. I learned how to walk through each day with Christ as my companion. He taught me how to give up my pain and I felt Him healing me, day by day. As I grew closer to Christ, I felt Him sweetening what had been such a dark time. I began to see with new eyes what He was doing in my life. That He would use this struggle for my good and His glory. That He wouldn’t waste a second of it. The struggle pushed me so close to Him that I even found myself a little bit grateful for it.

THE WISDOM OF WAITING 
DivorceCare suggests staying single for one year for every four years of marriage. For me, that would mean three-and-a-half years of singleness. At first, I was almost happy about the long wait. I felt strengthened by the commitment I was making certain it was the right step for me. It also gave me an excuse to not have to open myself up to possible hurt again, a wise and protective move all in one.

I have witnessed women jumping into another relationship soon after one ends, and I have yet to see a good outcome. Their stomachs are still flipping from the last roller-coaster and they are suddenly jumping in line for the next. I get it. Loneliness can be intense enough that we just want companionship. Any companion. Maybe we don’t see the truth about ourselves anymore, lack hope, and don’t feel worthy of a good man. Maybe you started to believe what people said about you. Maybe you don’t see your value in Christ anymore but are looking through the darkly tinted glasses of someone who couldn’t see your worth. Any one of these struggles can make us think we have to settle for anyone who will have us. Especially if we believe that a godly man wouldn’t want us after all we have been through. For our good, and for the good of our children, we cannot afford to stay in that place. We have to fight for our own hearts and our children’s hearts. 

GROUNDING YOURSELF IN GOD'S TRUTH 
And here’s a good place to start…Soak yourself in God’s truth. Seek out what He says about you.
For me, Jeremiah 29:13-14 became a treasured Bible passage. “’You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and will bring you back from captivity.’” Seek Him with all your heart. His promises are true and trustworthy. When He says He will be found by you and will lead you out of captivity, you can lean on that promise with your whole self. Your captivity may not be a physical one, maybe your captivity looks something like mine. Being captive to discouraging thoughts. Believing the lies Satan whispers about you. Believing what others have said about you.
But those aren’t the truths that define us. The truths that define us are infinitely better. Read what God says about you. What God calls you. Beloved. Treasure. Precious. Sought after. Redeemed. Those names are true. Those are what the God of the universe calls you. Who has the right to argue with Him?
Once those truths became rooted in my heart and God worked on healing me from my past, I found myself actually yearning for love again. For someone to walk this road with me, to lead me and my daughters well. During the course of these years, I adopted a daughter from Uganda and am now guiding two growing hearts on my own. I want this for my children as much as for myself. I want them to see what a godly marriage looks like up close and how a good man should treat them. That perspective has changed what I am looking for in a potential husband.

SETTING HIGH STANDARDS
One single mom I know was told by her friends that she couldn’t be picky anymore, because she had two kids. Nothing could be farther from the truth. She needs to be pickier than ever! She is making choices now that will affect both her and her children’s hearts for years to come. 
Now is the time to set the bar high.Crazy high. Olympic athlete on the high jump high. 
I don’t know about you, but I know me. I know that I am ready for the love of a good man, and I know that my loneliness could easily fool me about a man’s goodness (at least for a little while). So, I am taking steps to make sure that doesn’t happen. I encourage all the single moms I meet to make a list of what they are looking for in a future husband. Make it before you get asked on a single date. Before you are interested. Before next time. And don’t change it for any man. If he doesn’t meet the list, he doesn’t get to know the wonder that is you. The right man, the one God has planned for you, will be absolutely worth waiting for, beyond all you can ask or imagine.
Find a dear friend to hold your list and help you stay accountable to what you are looking for. 
Here’s a sample from my list:

1.  Non-Negotiables…

• Completely sold-out for Christ
• Loves my girls as his very own
• Thoroughly kind
• Truthful
• Faithful

2.  Of great importance…

• In a group of godly men (Bible study, accountability)
• Confident, humble leader
• Financially stable
• Wants to make a difference in the world.

3.  Wouldn’t it be cool if…

• Wants to dance with me in the kitchen.
• Is taller than me.
• Likes to watch movies.
• Kills all the spiders for us.

Honestly? I am so ready to retire as the Chief Spider Killer. And Mouse Trap Emptier. I may just throw away reusable mouse traps because I can’t stand emptying them. And I certainly can’t use the cheap wooden ones with the snap that make me see the destruction I’ve caused. I have more than paid my dues in these areas and I’m ready to hand over the titles.

​TRUSTING GOD WITH THE FUTURE 
I’ve spent a lot of time praying for the man that God may send someday. Praying that God is preparing Him to join our crazy crew. Praying that God will send that man to love us and lead us well. I’m praying for us, that God will prepare our hearts for him and will smooth the transition for all of us. I also know that if it isn’t God’s will for me to remarry, He will continue to walk with us every day and we will all be just fine. I am trusting Him to fill in the gaps of my solo parenting.
As you work on your list, I hope you have fun. I hope you dream and start thinking about the future. I hope you remember to set your bar high. You—and your children—are worth it.


 
 

                                                                  Help men become better
 
                                                                    By Tilly. Dillehay
                               
                                                                   (Of the state of Tennessee)


My six-year-old son is in the other kayak. His skinny arms strain; sweat sticks his curls to his forehead in one spot. He turns his head back to see where I am, and a grin flashes over his whole face. Then his enormous brown eyes go serious, and the long lashes flick down to the water again.
I have told him that he must lead the way; he must lead his mother around the point to the west side of the campsite. His whole body is wriggling with the joy of playacting the mantle of leadership.
“Mom, watch out for that log!” he calls out. His voice is warm with the joy of having something to warn me about.

Men-in-ProcessWhen we are claimed by Christ, we suddenly find ourselves with a new, perfect Brother — and a great many other brothers who are not perfect. Like my son in the next kayak, these men are all men-in-process. As men, God calls them to specifically masculine forms of initiative, protection, and construction (Genesis 2:15–19; Ephesians 5:25–33). When all systems are working well, men are born with a craving for challenge. They see hard work and skill as a path to respect, which they deeply desire.  When I was a young girl, my father was the template for masculinity. His kind authority, curiosity about the world, and handiness set the bar. Later, I looked around me and noticed that there were not just men but boys whom I watched with wonder and awe. Why did they seem so eager to engage new ideas, to explore unbroken terrain, and so interested in putting things together, in making them work? Why did they appear so intent on competing with one another and on being friends after the challenge had ended? I made notes in my mind like an anthropologist.   Train your eyes to spot more of the excellent in men.”

But as I grew older, I grew to see the dark underside of masculinity as well. Initiative can turn to lascivious grasping. Strength can be used for brutality instead of protection. Construction can get flipped into the “off” position, leaving passivity, foolishness, and lazy self-indulgence in its wake.
Now, as a Christian woman with some years under my belt, I am more aware than ever of the blessing of godly masculinity and the tragedy of failed masculinity. And I am more aware than ever of the power women have to encourage and affirm the masculine.

Woman Among BrothersA woman’s unique ability to call out the masculine overlaps with Paul’s command to all believers in Philippians 4:8: Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. We are to be connoisseurs, bright and optimistic, looking for good things to think about in God’s world. We train our minds to be noticers of the lovely and commendable: A boy leading his sister across the street. A man holding the door for you. Your husband mowing the lawn. Your pastor preaching an excellent sermon. By thinking about “these things,” you train your eyes to spot more of the excellent in men — like hunting for a certain wildflower in the woods, which, upon finding once, you suddenly see everywhere.

Beyond just spotting good things, we have good reason also to speak of them. “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person,” says Colossians 4:6. If we are to speak graciously to unbelievers, how much more to fellow men and women in the family of God? “As we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith” (Galatians 6:10).

We should be the sort of women who see and praise all sorts of people, men and women both, old and young. And then we can go a step further, developing the special gift of the feminine to encourage and adorn the masculine.

  How to Encourage a Man-in-ProcessThere are many ways to be a warm sounding board to men-in-process we encounter. Of course, the responsibility looks different depending on the man. It shifts as we move through the circles of intimacy in our lives. “Pray for the men in your life, praise the excellent in them, and let the teaching of kindness rest on your tongue.”

Our husbands are in the first tier. Our sons and fathers are in the next tier. Further out, we find fellow members of our local church, brothers, brothers-in-law, uncles, cousins, nephews, our teachers and students and bosses and coworkers. Strangers on the street or in the restaurant. The man who drives our Uber. We are called to love each of these men and to encourage them on their way, to direct their gaze, whenever possible, to the calling they have been given as sons of Adam. Love, we know, “hopes all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7).

Certainly, we are not responsible to them in the same ways. For example, I am called to take special ownership of my husband’s body (1 Corinthians 7:4), which means I interact with him quite differently from any other person alive. I am called to submit to his authority (Ephesians 5:21–24), to maintain his household (Proverbs 31; Titus 2:5), to love and help to raise our children (Titus 2:4), and to pay especially close attention to the way I speak to him (1 Peter 3:1–6).

Lately, I’ve learned that this means letting him make decisions without adding “helpful” suggestions when they aren’t specifically requested. I’ve learned it means saying little or nothing about his innocent mistakes. It means praising and thanking him more than anyone else in my life. Like water, it helps to produce fruit in his life — more strength, cheer, and courage.

With my son, I speak to him with respect and try to leave small spaces for a training-wheels version of initiative. I ask him to open a door for me, to pick up something I call “heavy,” or to pray over a meal. These are not acts of submission to my son. They are acts of mimed respect, to tease out and encourage his young and fragile sense of masculinity.

For the men in your life to whom you are not directly responsible, you can still demonstrate respect and affirm, even draw out, the good things God is doing through them by interacting with them in a feminine way. Seek out and accept help when appropriate. Ask for advice or information that you know particular men can offer. Say, “Thank you,” with a smile.
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Pray for the men in your life, praise the excellent in them, and let the teaching of kindness rest on your tongue at all times. Through your feminine efforts, you can create the kind of atmosphere that makes their masculine effort worthwhile in this world.
 
 
 

 
                                                   Four Things Every Daughter Should Know
                                                                     (  Anonymous)

Recently I have been reading aloud the book of Proverbs in my daily Bible meditation. Many of the proverbs are addressed to the writer’s son. In fact, the phrase “my son” occurs 23 times throughout the book. I began to wonder how my perspective might change if I read  my daughter  instead of “my son.” So that’s what I did, and I found that Solomon’s teaching became much more personal to me. The proverbs give profound  advice, and when I began to personalize my reading, I found four pieces of advice that are very applicable to daughters and especially for daughters in the faith
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1. My daughters, don’t get sucked in when people come to you with schemes to make a lot of money and get rich quickly. They will say, “I admire your Christian thinking. Just think of how many people you can help if you were rich!” Or, they will say, “we are not breaking the law, we are just bending it a little.” Of course, they are lying. Think carefully. What eventually happens to people who circumvent the law, to people who step on others on their way to fame? Inevitably they get exposed. Inevitably they end up broken. Do you remember Jesus’ question to his disciples? He said, “What good is it if you gain the whole world but lose your soul?”  Some people work hard to get money, jewelry and other material things, but they don’t pay attention to their inner being. That voice inside us that urges us to do what is right. Money, jewelry, and other physical things are not what makes you rich. What makes you rich is working hard to achieve the spiritual riches of heaven. [Proverbs 1:8-17; Matt 16:26].
2. My daughters, be very careful about who you choose to hang out with. You can have a lot of friends and acquaintances but be selective about who you spend the majority of your time with. It has been scientifically proven that after a while, you begin to think like the people you hang out with. They influence how you behave, and they influence the choices you make. This influence can be subtle, and it works at an unconscious level, so you may not even realize how they are influencing you. If you choose to cultivate a deep friendship with someone who does not have godly beliefs, they may subtly influence you to make unethical or unwise choices. This is not an age-related phenomenon. Whatever age you are, you are influenced by the people you hang out with.  In his letter to the Galatians, the apostle Paul writes to a group of people who are being influenced by someone to reject a basic teaching of their Christian faith. This one person’s negative influence was like leaven in a lump of bread--it was spreading throughout the entire church group. Daughters, be aware of your own strengths and weaknesses. You can be a good influence on others, but the opposite of that can also be true, others can be a bad influence on you. [Prov 1:18-19; Galatians 5:7-10] 
3. My daughters, don’t be enticed into committing sexual sin. The temptation to participate in sexual sin can come from multiple directions. There are plenty of visual, oral and subconscious stimulants that you see every day, which can cause you to engage in lustful thoughts which can in turn lead to sexual sin. A half-naked picture in a magazine, a torrid love scene in a movie, a suggestive advertisement. And then, there are tangible temptations that you may face—a tantalizing suggestion from someone’s husband or stimulating touches from your boyfriend. No doubt about it, you are going to be tempted. Many people treat sex as a casual thing. “It’s no big deal,” they say, “just make sure you protect yourself from the consequences.”  My daughters, God knows that we are going to be attracted to sex, after all, he created us. That is why he made provision for us to have sex within a covenant relationship, within marriage. Sex is not a casual thing to be engaged in without a legal commitment. This is important because your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. The apostle Paul writes that all other sins we commit are outside of our body, but when we commit sexual sin, we sin against our own bodies, and we defile the temple of the Holy Spirit. My daughters, there are many physical dangers that can result from sexual sin—unexpected pregnancy, venereal diseases, violent acts of jealousy--but the greatest danger of sexual sin is it can harm your soul. Resist this temptation with a firm “NO.” Run away from it as fast as you can. Honor your body and remember that it is the temple of the Holy Spirit. [Prov 5:1-12; 1 Corinthians 6:18-20]
4. My daughters, don’t let anyone tell you or treat you like you are less than. You know what I mean—women can’t lead as well as men, women are too emotional, girls can’t do this or that. It’s all rubbish. The Bible is filled with examples of women who face and overcome great challenges, proving that we are not sub-par. Think of Esther who faced up to a king to save her people; Deborah a military leader who successfully led the Israelite army against the enemy; Mary, who stood at the foot of the cross as her innocent son was crucified by the Romans.  Godly women are not soft, and they are not weak. Read Proverbs 31 to get a view of how strong we are. Our strength is fueled by Jesus’ example, and we show it in our capacity to love, nourish, endure, teach, work, encourage, bear children and generally take care of business--all while focusing on the things that are pure, lovely, admirable and right.  My daughters, lean into your strength and be a confident woman of God. [Proverbs 31, Philippians 4:8]

Throughout the book of Proverbs, the author urges his sons to seek wisdom. He explains that wisdom is more valuable than gold or silver and the cornerstone of all wisdom is to revere God, to treat God and his laws with awe and deep respect.  My daughters, let your reverence for God guide you as you live your best life. [Proverbs 2:1-5] 
 
 

                                                                       Are You Using Your Sword? 
  

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                                                                                   By Erin Davis
​
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well" (Psalm 139:13–14).

"But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart'" (1 Samuel 16:7).

"The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord" (Psalm 45:11).

Suddenly I knew I had been lied to.

For years I struggled to accept my own beauty and value. I believed lies like "you have to be perfect in order to be loved," "everyone else is thinner and more beautiful than you are," "your value is tied to your weight," and "there's no such thing as too thin." It wasn't long before I started to dwell on those lies. Then I started to act. Before I knew it I was in bondage. And I didn't even know I had been lied to.

But that changed when I got serious about turning to God's Word for truth. When I read passages like the ones above and chose to accept them as truth, those lies suddenly lost their hold on my heart. God's Word became a spotlight pointing to areas that I'd been deceived.

This is the mystery spelled out by Hebrews 4:12: "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

God's Word is the sword we must use to defend ourselves against the lies told by the world and by the evil one. It is also the shovel we must use to uproot lies once they have taken root in our hearts. We cannot live lives committed to God's truth without loving and reading God's Word.

Many of you have told me that you also struggle in the areas of beauty and worth. My advice? Dig into God's Word. Others of you struggle with boy craziness or the need to have affirmation from a boy. Dig into God's Word. Some of you are wrestling with the consequences of past sins. Dig into God's Word. Some of you don't know where you've been deceived, but your lives are a mess and you sense that something isn't right. Dig into God's Word.

The Bible is so much more than a book. It is living and active. It is a sword that has the power to slice lies right out of our lives. Have you picked up your sword today?